One of the areas in discussion in organisations at the moment is of social networking sites and the danger of them. In the last two months or so I have heard about:

• An employee posting disparaging comments about his boss on Facebook. The employee faced disciplinary action as a result.
• A line manager using Facebook to say how his new direct reports in a department he was about to take over wouldn’t last more than 3 months before he sacked them. His job offer was subsequently withdrawn.
• An employee who had recently joined a new company had posted on-line derogatory remarks about his former manager at his old company. However, much to his embarrassment, his former manager joined the same company 9 months later as a director in the same function.
• A team of 5 people who were informed of their redundancy by text

It is obvious that in 2011, communicating electronically has enormous benefits. For me, the first time I used email was in 1997 using Lotus Notes. Looking back now, it is hard to remember how we were able to work so effectively without electronic communications. But the dangers are many. You might recall that when I started to write these missives, the first one was entitled ‘Pick up the phone’. We can all get it wrong when, for example, sending an email. It is easy to mis-phrase a sentence which means that the receiver becomes offended at what they read.

The pace and dynamic of the modern workplace has had a two fold effect on the presence of difficult conversations. They are required and avoided more than ever before. On-line media has become a forum for some to express how they feel about someone without having to look the person in the eye and vocalise it. It is particularly prevalent amongst those in the Generation Y category.

All of us at some point are guilty of not having ‘that conversation’. I accept though, that not everyone will choose to vent their feelings through online media. Dodging these difficult situations as we do rather than tackling them often has a derogatory effect on morale, personal health and the health of relationships. This can in turn lead to reduced productivity and output.

Help is needed for us all. A recent piece of research indicated that 72% of line managers struggle to have a difficult conversation and in most cases will decide not to have them at all or will deal with the issue in a different way. Reading this as you are now, you may be able to think of a difficult conversation that you have been avoiding for too long yourself.

There is one thing that those who tackle difficult conversations enjoy compared to those that dodge them. It is the joyous feeling of relief when something that has been weighing them down has finally been resolved. A female colleague spoke to me recently about a situation where one of her team members suffered from bad body odour. She had avoided having the conversation with him for months, but following a comment from a customer, she had to tackle it. She didn’t sleep the night before she had planned to discuss it with him.

To her surprise, when she told him, he was hugely grateful, despite the initial shock and embarrassment. In fact, he shared some personal information that he would have otherwise kept to himself. I remember her telling me how she felt a huge sense of relief after having the conversation. They can have a laugh and joke about it now and their working relationship has improved remarkably. He went to her office two weeks after the conversation. He had one item on his agenda. He wanted to thank her for doing what she did.

So, senior managers need to provide training and help for team members, but we must also not forget about ourselves. Finally, remember to encourage those you work with to stop and think the next time they may be tempted to use electronic communication for an unfavourable or disapproving message.

1. Thank you so much to those who responded to my last missive about writing a case study of your redundancy experience for my handbook on getting through redundancy which is due to come out later this year. I have enough volunteers now. I’m grateful.
2. If you ever wanted to know a little more about how mediation works, filming has been completed for a new TV programme called ‘The Mediators’. It is scheduled to come on Sky One at the beginning of July. The programme will be about Community Mediation rather than mediation in the workplace, but will give a good insight into how the concept works.
3. We have a number of people who would like to train as a mediator prior to the summer break. We have decided to put on a course to cater for anyone in this category as our next scheduled course is September. If you or anyone you know would have an interest in this, please be in touch with my colleague Helen Robinson. The location is likely to be the Midlands region and we are offering a 10% discount to anyone who would like to sign up. The date is to be determined but will be during July.

Difficult Conversations - 10 Steps to Becoming a Tackler not a Dodger

For more information on our 5 day accredited mediation training course, click here:

Have a good week,

Kind regards