Hello, Clive here,

Last week, one of my colleagues brought to my attention a newspaper article featuring a story on bullying at the Tate. It charts the outputs of an employee survey which indicated that 13% of the 586 employees questioned had experienced bullying. For those employees affected by such events, it must be dreadful to wake up every morning and go to work in fear of what is ahead.

It is unlikely that the theme of events documented will be exclusive to the Tate alone of course. I recall a story many years ago where a woman had alleged that she was being bullied and harassed by her line manager. On meeting her it was obvious that she was unwell. The signs that led me to this conclusion were her flaky skin, bald patches from her hair falling out and the difficulty to engage in eye contact.

After spending a day facilitating a session with her and her boss working through the issues and witnessing an apology and the shaking of hands, I revisited a month later. I was sitting in reception and glanced up to see a young woman walking towards me. I looked back down at the newspaper I was reading. A few moments later there was a tap on my shoulder. It was the same woman, but she looked totally different. She took me to our reserved room and I apologised for not recognising her and explained that she looked totally different. Finding it difficult to control her emotion she commented how she hadn’t realised just how much the experience had affected her. Even her doctor, in taking her off her medication, was shocked at the impact of the experience.

Since about the early 1990’s organisations have been using the power of surveys in earnest to find out what people think. Surveys provide great information from both customers and employees. The challenge can be when organisations receive the data. As the saying goes, sometimes, the truth hurts. One HR professional recently told me about how during one briefing session for senior managers on the latest employee survey, a number made excuses or blamed people for submitting the comments that they did.

If we choose to utilise employee surveys, we must also be willing to face the consequences of what they might reveal. Being openly or aggressively defensive about data that is not as one might have wished, is only likely to send those with comments you would most like to hear underground. The good news documented in the article is that the Tate has faced the consequences and is working through an action plan. There in lies the challenge. The challenge to change hearts and minds and encourage all colleagues to work together without feeling that bullying and harassment is what one needs to do to ‘get on around here’. Easier said than done, I know..

You can see the Tate article here:

For some advice on what to do if you are being bullied and/or harassed click here:

To hear me and Mark Shulman from Cumberland Ellis on a recent workplace mediation podcast click here (CPD available for lawyers)

Attend our next 5 day accredited workplace mediation certificate - September, London

Commission an Employee Investigation

Attend our next Difficult Conversations training course - September, London

Books by Clive Lewis

Contact Clive Lewis to act as mediator or facilitator for an ongoing situation

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Finally, we are holding a free breakfast briefing session on ‘how to manage difficult conversations’ in partnership with Harvey Nash in Central London on 11th October. Please drop me a line if you would like some further information. Space is limited.

Until next month,

Clive Lewis OBE ]]> http://www.mediationguide.co.uk/be-careful-what-you-wish-for/feed http://www.mediationguide.co.uk/a-phone-call http://www.mediationguide.co.uk/a-phone-call#comments Thu, 11 Aug 2011 10:52:38 +0000 Clive http://www.mediationguide.co.uk/?p=693 Continuously sent since 2009 - received by readers across four continents (never more than one side of A4)

A special welcome if you are receiving this missive for the first time!

Recently, I received a telephone call. When my colleague told me who the call was from, prior to me picking up the call, I thought, “I recognise her name.”

Indeed I did. It was a call from a person who had had a high profile fall out with her boss and colleagues. There was a tribunal hearing which she lost.

The reason she called was because she was considering training to become a mediator. She proceeded to ask me lots of questions about mediation and how it worked. I did my best to answer. I then asked what had prompted her to want to train to be a mediator.

She told me the story of her long running dispute with her former employer and how the years of fighting had made her tired and unwell. On top of this, her reputation was in tatters. The phone went silent before she told me of her regret of this chapter of her life. Tears started to flow - hers not mine, although it was tough not to join her. Throughout the call which lasted around 45 minutes, I found it difficult to believe whom I was talking with. The trigger to the dispute, in her mind, was the personality and character of her boss. Her costs to go to tribunal were just short of six figures.

I read a paper recently which outlined a series of psychological processes in how people behave during conflicts and disputes at work. The caller’s situation reminded me of ‘attribution bias’. This is where individuals attribute an event to the personality or character of the individual who caused the event, rather than external circumstances, which can in turn cause an angry response.

Another term that is used to describe behaviour that prompts the escalation of conflict, sometimes resulting in an employment tribunal, is ‘loss aversion’. This is where individuals faced with a sure loss, gamble, even if the loss from the gamble is larger. We have seen much of this over the last year or so where cases going to an employment tribunal in England and Wales have increased by 56%, reaching nearly 250,000 per year. This has been partly due to the tougher economic climate and individuals feeling that there is nothing to lose by going to tribunal, as they are not sure when they will be able to secure their next job and want to pursue the opportunity for additional compensation.

The caller said that hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Feelings such as anger, fear, shame, embarrassment and jealousy are normally present during any form of dispute. If these are not addressed during a dispute resolution process, the problem is unlikely to go away. It is one of the reasons why a number of you as HR professionals and line managers still have ongoing issues to deal with when a grievance process has supposedly been put to bed. The average amount of time spent on dealing with conflict at work is around one day per week!

As for the caller, she has set out on a new path, but has said that one day she would like to seek closure with her nemesis (otherwise referred to as her former boss).

To read more about understanding the behaviour and decision making of employees in conflicts and disputes at work, take a look at the BIS Employment Relations Research Series No.119. It is a fascinating read!

Links

Attend our next 5 day accredited workplace mediation certificate - September, London

Commission an Employee Investigation

Attend our next Difficult Conversations training course - September, London

Books by Clive Lewis

Contact Clive Lewis to act as mediator or faclitator for an ongoing situation

Join us on Twitter

Join Clive Lewis’ books on Facebook

Join Clive Lewis on LinkedIn

To recommend a friend or colleague to register to receive these missives, ask them to sign up here

Finally - did you know it took Jonas Salk 7 years and 200 unsuccessful attempts before developing a Polio vaccine that worked?

Until September, have a good summer.

One of the areas in discussion in organisations at the moment is of social networking sites and the danger of them. In the last two months or so I have heard about:

• An employee posting disparaging comments about his boss on Facebook. The employee faced disciplinary action as a result.
• A line manager using Facebook to say how his new direct reports in a department he was about to take over wouldn’t last more than 3 months before he sacked them. His job offer was subsequently withdrawn.
• An employee who had recently joined a new company had posted on-line derogatory remarks about his former manager at his old company. However, much to his embarrassment, his former manager joined the same company 9 months later as a director in the same function.
• A team of 5 people who were informed of their redundancy by text

It is obvious that in 2011, communicating electronically has enormous benefits. For me, the first time I used email was in 1997 using Lotus Notes. Looking back now, it is hard to remember how we were able to work so effectively without electronic communications. But the dangers are many. You might recall that when I started to write these missives, the first one was entitled ‘Pick up the phone’. We can all get it wrong when, for example, sending an email. It is easy to mis-phrase a sentence which means that the receiver becomes offended at what they read.

The pace and dynamic of the modern workplace has had a two fold effect on the presence of difficult conversations. They are required and avoided more than ever before. On-line media has become a forum for some to express how they feel about someone without having to look the person in the eye and vocalise it. It is particularly prevalent amongst those in the Generation Y category.

All of us at some point are guilty of not having ‘that conversation’. I accept though, that not everyone will choose to vent their feelings through online media. Dodging these difficult situations as we do rather than tackling them often has a derogatory effect on morale, personal health and the health of relationships. This can in turn lead to reduced productivity and output.

Help is needed for us all. A recent piece of research indicated that 72% of line managers struggle to have a difficult conversation and in most cases will decide not to have them at all or will deal with the issue in a different way. Reading this as you are now, you may be able to think of a difficult conversation that you have been avoiding for too long yourself.

There is one thing that those who tackle difficult conversations enjoy compared to those that dodge them. It is the joyous feeling of relief when something that has been weighing them down has finally been resolved. A female colleague spoke to me recently about a situation where one of her team members suffered from bad body odour. She had avoided having the conversation with him for months, but following a comment from a customer, she had to tackle it. She didn’t sleep the night before she had planned to discuss it with him.

To her surprise, when she told him, he was hugely grateful, despite the initial shock and embarrassment. In fact, he shared some personal information that he would have otherwise kept to himself. I remember her telling me how she felt a huge sense of relief after having the conversation. They can have a laugh and joke about it now and their working relationship has improved remarkably. He went to her office two weeks after the conversation. He had one item on his agenda. He wanted to thank her for doing what she did.

So, senior managers need to provide training and help for team members, but we must also not forget about ourselves. Finally, remember to encourage those you work with to stop and think the next time they may be tempted to use electronic communication for an unfavourable or disapproving message.

1. Thank you so much to those who responded to my last missive about writing a case study of your redundancy experience for my handbook on getting through redundancy which is due to come out later this year. I have enough volunteers now. I’m grateful.
2. If you ever wanted to know a little more about how mediation works, filming has been completed for a new TV programme called ‘The Mediators’. It is scheduled to come on Sky One at the beginning of July. The programme will be about Community Mediation rather than mediation in the workplace, but will give a good insight into how the concept works.
3. We have a number of people who would like to train as a mediator prior to the summer break. We have decided to put on a course to cater for anyone in this category as our next scheduled course is September. If you or anyone you know would have an interest in this, please be in touch with my colleague Helen Robinson. The location is likely to be the Midlands region and we are offering a 10% discount to anyone who would like to sign up. The date is to be determined but will be during July.

Difficult Conversations - 10 Steps to Becoming a Tackler not a Dodger

For more information on our 5 day accredited mediation training course, click here:

Have a good week,

Kind regards

Hello, Clive here,

I had my own experience of coping with change last week. What was it? I travelled on a London bus for the first time in my life. I was travelling with a colleague. A few weeks ago when we were discussing our upcoming trip from Paddington to Holborn she told me that she had an aversion to being in confined spaces and was unable to travel on the underground.

I went straight into trying to convince her that everything would be fine and that as an advanced traveller of London underground myself, she would have a highly experienced companion. I thought no more of it until three days later she presented me with a printed timetable of bus routes and times. I felt a shudder down my spine as the thought of travelling on a London bus looked like it would become a reality. I’m quite used to walking, taking a cab or jumping on a tube but taking a London bus was an experience I had so far shied away from encountering.

Anyway, last Thursday, we did it. We got the number 7 bus at 7.43am from Paddington and arrived at Russell Square at around 8.05am. It was easy and actually rather enjoyable. It even brought back some childhood memories. My father was a bus driver in his early career and used to take me and my siblings for rides in the summer holidays.

As I reflected on the experience I felt ashamed at myself for going into auto-pilot mode and being initially reluctant to entertain the thought of doing something different.

Anyway, you have probably already worked out the moral of the story. Change is all over organisations like a rash at the moment. Perhaps you are even personally impacted. You never know. Like me, you might come to realise that there was nothing to worry about after all as the change one may have dreaded turns out to be just fine or even much better than anticipated.

Last week the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators (CIArb) announced that Globis Mediation Group has been selected as the sole provider and partner for the provision of its workplace mediation training programme. The Institute will be offering three workplace mediation training courses as part of the new arrangement.

We are delighted to have won the training contract. It represents a significant development for us. The Institute has over 12,000 members and offices in over 100 countries. The first course is scheduled to run later this month.

For more on the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators, click here:

Finally, a reminder that, in conjunction with the department for business, we are hosting a 60 minute webinar on the current government resolving disputes consultation at 2.00pm on Monday 14th March 2011.

If you are planning to join us but haven’t signed up yet, please be in touch with Helen Robinson to secure your place. It is your chance for your organisation to ensure its voice is heard as part of the consultation.

For more on the government consultation, please click here:

Trustee opportunities Mental Health Foundation - Harvey Nash

Have a good week,

As you may know, on 27th January this year the Government announced a consultation of proposed workplace dispute reforms as part of the introduction of a new Employers Charter. The consultation continues until 20th April 2011.

This is big news. The basis of the review is that 236,000 claims went through the UK employment tribunal system last year. This was a 56% increase on the year before. Quite simply, this is unsustainable. As you might imagine, we are engaging fully in the consultation.

At 2.00pm on Monday 14th March 2011, we will be hosting a free 60 minute webinar with the team at the Department for Business who are leading the consultation. The free webinar will form part of the Government consultation.

We would like to invite you or those in your organisation with an interest in this area to join us to hear more about the Governments proposals to improve the way workplace disputes are resolved, to encourage early resolution of disputes and reform the employment tribunal system. It is a chance to ensure your organisations voice is heard as part of the Government consultation.

Would you be kind enough to spread the word? An email to me or my colleague Helen Robinson registering your interest to join us will suffice. We would also like to have as many questions as possible in advance of the session so that we can put them to our colleagues at BIS. All you will need to join us is a computer with speakers that is connected to the internet (er, the computer that is, not the speakers..)

In the mean time, I look forward to speaking with those of you who are joining us at 2.00pm on Wednesday for our webinar on ‘How unions and management can work together’. I think there still one or two free spaces available.

Workplace dispute reforms proposed by Government

It seems that the missive about my train trip via Birmingham of a few weeks ago has prompted a number of people to think about personal development. Thank you for your ongoing comments. I do hope I have been able to respond to everyone who got in touch. If I haven’t, please forgive me. I will do. I thought I would include a note from someone else on the matter this week (as always, reproduced with the permission of the sender). The following is in response to last week’s missive..

Hi Clive, I can totally relate with this person with regard to study. I am not 57 yet… but not far from 50. As you know I work in the legal field, and many years ago I was encouraged by a few people to study ILEX and I said ‘Me! I have not got the brain to do that’. Now many years on I am studying ILEX and have achieved the Certificate in Law and Practice (Employment) and am continuing my study to achieve the Professional Diploma.

I never thought I would be able to do it - it has been difficult and has taken up a lot of my time. At times I still think to myself whether I can really achieve the required goal. A lot of people ask me if I will continue until I get to solicitor level, but I am taking it module by module, year by year, as the thought of having many more years of study can be daunting. Just like I encourage my daughters to do their best, put in the time and they will pass their exams, I must believe the same for myself. Also people a lot older than me are studying and achieving so as long as I am able, I can also study and gain a qualification.

By the way, I am living on a Thursday…

Finally, we are, again, offering 10 free places for our next webinar scheduled for 2.00pm on Tuesday 16th February. The session is entitled ‘How Management and Unions can work together’. To register, please make contact with Helen Robinson on helen.robinson@globis.co.uk.

For more information, please click here:

Workplace dispute reforms proposed by Government

Hello, Clive here,

It’s a slightly different style of missive this week.

Firstly, I had some bad news on Thursday. Someone from the mediation industry passed away. She was one of the first people that I ever trained. She went into hospital on Tuesday 25th expecting treatment for a bad back. One of her colleagues spoke to her on four different occasions throughout the day. On Wednesday morning she died of a brain haemorrhage. She hadn’t previously complained of headaches. She hadn’t reached 50. Quite shocking. My thoughts are with her family.

Secondly, last weeks note appealed to a good many readers. Here is how one person responded: (Her comments are included here with her permission)

Hi Clive,

I read this email with added interest. I’m 57 and working as an Administration and HR Manager. Up until 4 or 5 years ago, my career was always accounts-based but after major restructuring I was ‘driven’ towards the dual role I now have. However, I lacked confidence in HR and until I took the CPP in 2009 I had no formal training in this area.

I am now studying for the CIPD PDS certificate (with the company’s support) and, yes, I find it difficult at times - especially the amount of time I need to commit but your email struck a cord because, before I decided to enrol on the course, I had conversations with colleagues about whether I should be doing it at my age and one person, in particular, was of the opinion that perhaps we don’t need to bother if we are outside the 35 to 45 age bracket and ‘are doing the job anyway’. He thought that if I was back on the unemployment list then I wouldn’t stand much of a chance gaining other employment due to the competition from much younger applicants. And, to a certain extent, I agree with him but surely I have a much better chance than if I don’t have the qualifications?

Of course, this has made me wonder ever since if I am wasting company money and whether it will be worthwhile. I don’t know how successful I will be or, indeed, if I will complete the course but I know I need to try. I am totally independent and currently don’t anticipate being able to retire at 63 years and just want to ensure that I am still employable as I get even older!

This inspires me too so thanks very much for passing it on.

Regards,

Finally, you may have seen or heard the news last Thursday that the Government has launched a consultation on resolving workplace disputes. This is very exciting, particularly because of the link that is made to the prompt resolution of disputes and getting the UK economy back on its feet.

As you may know, I am a supporter of continual learning - sometimes referred to as lifelong learning.

I met someone who inspired me last week. I was on a train travelling via Birmingham. Sat opposite me was a gentleman. For most of the journey I was absorbed in reading some papers. About fifteen minutes before we arrived at our destination my fellow traveller and I struck up a conversation. I’ll call him Ron. Ron told me that he was on his way to University of Birmingham for a lecture. The question that came into my mind when he said this was what subject he was lecturing on. Before I could embarrass myself by articulating what I was thinking, he went on to tell me how much he was enjoying being a student. He was studying towards a Masters Degree in History. His specific area of focus was the West Midlands. I can hear you ask why one might chose such a focus area. He was fascinated by it.

I was inspired when he revealed his age. He was 68 and enjoying every minute. He said that he’ll be 71 by the time he finishes. Friends and acquaintances have been asking whether he might go on and do a Doctorate afterwards. His response has been that he will probably need a doctor rather than study towards one.It was great to see that despite retiring eight years prior, and living on a Saturday, his youthful mind was still urging him to engage in intellectual stimulation.

Let me explain the Saturday part. Some time ago I attended a workshop that encouraged the participants to seize the moment at every opportunity and stage of life. The tutor then presented the following model about various stages of life to prompt group discussion:

• Sunday: Age 0-10
• Monday: Age 11-20
• Tuesday: Age 21-30
• Wednesday: Age 31- 40
• Thursday: Age 41-50

And so on… With each of us now living longer, the days in the model may not translate as well but you get the point, I’m sure. Whichever day of the week it is for us, if our health allows us, it’s never too late to focus on some aspect of self development.

I started my career in the retail industry selling brown and white goods. In our sales training we were taught the phrase ‘distressed purchase’. To explain, the phrase was applied to a consumer who was in desperate need to purchase a particular product quickly. For example, a working man wants to do the family’s laundry on a Saturday morning but, upon attempting to use it, finds that the machine is faulty. The machine, being out of warranty and beyond repair, needs to be replaced before the weekend is out. The man in question would likely take a trip to his local electrical store and explain to the sales assistant that he was in need of a replacement washing machine and that it had to be delivered and installed on the same day, as well as being a reliable and quality machine. His voice and body language, combined with his reason for being there, indicate his distress - hence the term ‘distressed purchase’.

Recently I have made a correlation between a distressed consumer seeking an essential product purchase and commissioning mediation. Two of the reasons why people buy are to be happy and to avoid pain. Both of these would apply to the washing machine shopper. He would have been happy to have a replacement machine to do the washing and wanted to avoid the pain of going through another week without a washing machine, going to a launderette or having to buy a new set of clothes for the whole family.

When people are in conflict and showing no signs of reconciliation the effects can be significant. The line manager or Human Resources professional with a close link to those involved are likely to feel powerless, weary, exhausted, drained and worn out as they look on. It is often these feelings of helplessness that prompt for a mediator to be commissioned.

The distress purchase in mediation is derived from the dysfunctional relationship that is preventing essential work to be carried out. In the call to try and get the matter resolved the organisation will seek to find a competent mediator to help the parties get their relationship back on track. They are also likely to want this person to be engaged quickly.

I recall one of my colleagues taking a call from an organisation recently who were seeking to appoint a mediator. The caller came close to tears as she outlined the conflict situation to my colleague, talking of the abhorrence and revulsion the colleagues concerned felt towards each other and how their hate was being played out day after day. Her distress had prompted her to call for a rescuer who would be able to help the individuals face up to their differences and try to focus on a future where they could work collaboratively again. The caller simply wanted her colleagues to get on with each other again and put a stop to the pain of seeing them at war but being powerless to do anything about it, whilst also spending hours on the administration that accompanies such situations.

Finally…

Before I go, we are offering 10 free places to teams who would like to join our on-line 60 minute webinar on Tuesday 18th January 2011 at 2.00pm. The session will include an employment law and mediation update. The presenters will be Sean Nesbitt, Partner at Taylor Wessing and me. To book your free place, be quick, and contact Helen Robinson on 0330 100 0809 or helen.robinson@globis.co.uk.

My latest online article - Mediation in the boardroom

Next 60 minute online webinar - 2.00pm Tuesday 18th January 2011

National Employment and Workplace Mediation Certificate 9-11 & 17/18 March 2011 - London

Advanced practitioner in mediation skills course 30/31 March - Gloucester

ILM Level 7 accredited coaching course 16 February - Gloucester

How to manage violence and aggression - a course for frontline workers

How to prevent bullying and harassment in the workplace

How to manage difficult conversations

Have a good week